I waited for a shooting star
hoping for a one good luck
to wish something I want badly
depend my words to impossible,

But no star fell that night
not even the night after that
or the following night
no star ever fell,

I sat on the concrete floor
holding on some blurry hope
I guess your worth wishing for
and that star was worth waiting for.


From those times I tried
not to say a word about you
not to look at your pictures
not to think about you
I can say that I really tried
but it was not that easy
it was never easy for me,

You’ve been my daily dose
a text message that will make me smile
a hug that will make me feel warm
a love that I thought was really love
I can that I really believed in you
all those days of happiness
were just a part of the show,

And now here I am
I spent dozens of hours thinking about you
I waited for days to have your attention
I was hurt for months
until now
with nothing left to believe
because it was just a miscalculated fairy tale.


Kung sakaling maaalala mo ako
tipong hindi inaakala
biglang dumapo sa isipan mo
sana’y mapangiti pa din kita
alaala ng mga sandali
na tayo’y pansamantalang magkasama,

Kung sakaling mapapadaan ka
sa lugar na minsan nating nadaanan
yung araw na tayo’y magkakilala pa
sana’y mapangiti pa din kita
bigla na lang mapapatawa
o makwekwento sa bago mong kasama,

Kung sakaling makikita mo ako
sa di inaasang pagkakataon
oras na hindi natin plinano
sana’y mapangiti pa din kita
pero wag ka nang mag abalang tawagin ako
dahil baka di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko.

                      - YAKAP by Wilson Esguerra

Nag aabang sa liwanag ng araw
mag-isang nakaupo
isang tasang kape sa kaliwang kamay
walang tulog, walang kain,

Tila may dadating
isip ay palutang lutang
walang magawa
tulala sa maliwanag kalawakan,

Ilang araw na din ang lumipas
buwan na din kung tutuusin
pero heto pa rin ako
patuloy na sinasaktan ang sarili,

Sa tuwing sasagi ka sa aking isipan
na sadya naman di ko maiwasan
para bang gusto kong yakapin ka
agawin ka sa kanya,

Pero ito’y isang baliw na ilusyon
parang pagbunot sa isang poste
imposible, parang tinusok ng partible
walang pag-asa,

Tinuturuan ang sarili na kalimutan ka
gusto ko nang durugin ang bawat alala
hanggang ngayon ikaw pa din
putang ina, ayoko na,

Nag-aabang sa liwanag ng araw
hinigop ang malamig na kape
tila nag aabangan
baka sakali lang naman.


At first, it was just a kiss
an ordinary one
that kind where two lips touch each other
our eyes were close
everything was so silent
not even a sound of the wind
his lips touches mine
my lips touched his
it was warm
my heart was pounding so loud
and I know his heart too
it wasn’t our first time to kiss or to be kissed
but our first time to do it to each other,

He then held my right hand
gripped it so tight
I thought it was just a smack
but we didn’t pull it away
our lips stayed connected
like it was clued
my room was slowly getting hot
even the fan was right in front of us
his grip was strong
like he was giving a signal
and then, we started moving our lips
not a kind of move where we pull it away
but that kind of move where our tongue started fencing,

I lost control to myself
it was like an alter ego of me
I started to touch him
opening the button of his pants
slowly removing it
and put a soft grip on his penis
it was warm and hard
like it was a rock or a metal
it played it up and down|
and continued to kiss him
as he kisses me
I am also having a boner
but he didn’t bother touching it
and then finally, he exploded a huge amount of cum
it was sticky, smelly, and warm
it was all over his shirt, his pants, my hand, my bed,

We cleaned up
I grabbed the nearest cloth I saw
and cleaned the cum on his shirt, his pants, my hand, my bed
his penis was still hard
like it was calling for another round
I avoided having an eye contact with him
I just lowered my head
staring while cleaning his penis
finally, he spoke
I thought he would be mad or sorry
I thought he would give me a compliment or a negative feedback
but sadly, he didn’t
he said words that were miles away from what just happened
we never talk about it
like it never happen
it was the first and last time he stayed in my room
it was the first and last time we kissed
it was the first and last time we saw each other
everything went from a hard penis to friendship over.

"It was a very unusual afternoon
too gloomy like a bad weather
I was wandering on my own
taking time to stare at the ceiling
when it hit me
I am dying
but I do nothing
it wasn’t like I was already on a deadline
things are just that close
but I do nothing
lots of books left unfinished
bills to be paid
to far to clear my bucket list
it was like an ordinary day
and it freaks me out a bit
I don’t know
I am just too tired, maybe
let the river runs dry
let the apple fall
I am just lying here, staring
and do nothing."

Maybe it wasn’t really meant to be
that the word you and me
are not like the two opposite of the magnet
but it was me who push myself to you
to be with you, to win you,

It was not a sad story
but an example of reality
one should face that fact
that it’s not working or it will not work
I, myself, need a slap in the face,

It’s been months
but here I am, still shackled
I have the keys
and yet, I do free myself
the pain that causes me
Is the one I made.


He was a bubble
left without reasons
not even a single letter
gone in the wilderness,

I waited for him
sat at the living room
a cup of tea with me
but it has been weeks,

Maybe an emergency
or some reasonable explanation
I don’t know what to think
I just want to see him,

He was a bubble
my heart waited for nothing
it was like a dream
no, it was a nightmare.


To hide yourself was never easy
leave the pen down and walk away
like there’s no commitment
put a helmet on and take a cab
like you’re leaving for good
it was never easy
but sometimes you have to,

To stay away from the normal
it was a choice to be made
to lessen the eyes that will look at you
it will be uncomfortable
everything might change
but you have to
it’s for your own good,

There was an island
a place of a no one
standing in the middle of the ocean
no love, no fun
it was just sand and salt water
and then there was me
how tragic as you suppose to see.

"I’ve known men who run down homosexuality because they are uncomfortable with it, perhaps inclination in that area; and I’ve known men who run down homosexuality and mean it. At first I had placed Bunny in the first category. His glad-handling, varsity chumminess was totally alien and therefore suspect; then, too, he studied the classics, which certainly harmless enough but which provoke the raised eyebrow in some circles. (“You want to know what Classics are?” said the drunk Dean of Admission to me at the faculty party a couple of years ago. “I’ll tell you what Classics are. Wars and homos”. A sententious and vulgar statement, certainly, but like many gnomic vulgarities, it also contains a tiny splinter of truth.)"
                      - Donna Tartt (The Secret History)

Let me mark this day. 

All these precious babies only cost me 200 pesos. Magbabalik tanaw ako sa literature, philosophy, at humanities. #books

All these precious babies only cost me 200 pesos. Magbabalik tanaw ako sa literature, philosophy, at humanities. #books

"Every day I think about you
every character in a novel
I imagine it was you
you’re the word in every menu
always running
always you."
"Sorry if I still love you. It’s not easy to forget you. It’s not easy to throw away my feelings towards you. We didn’t become lovers, never been in a mutual situation. It was just me. I am doomed with all this stuff on my hand. I fell in love, not to a wrong person and not in a wrong time. I fell in love and you just didn’t feel the same way. And now, here I am. I am still writing about you instead of trying to create a worthy story for my history."
"If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking"
                      - Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)