• ☄ - I wish… 

that one day
someone will notice me
not that I’m unnoticeable
not that I want attention
just one day
one person will see me
not the physical me
but that worth in me
just one day
that will sound like forever
even there’s no such thing 
I just want one person
and it will be the greatest wish
not so magical like Genie’s
but will be magically beautiful. 

Message me a symbol? ♥

I find it hard to understand why. Looking at my reflection in front of the mirror, asking myself tons of of thoughts and possibility, and trying to squeeze everything inside my head were not enough to give me some answers. It wasn’t like I am left by the flow of the river, it was like I stopped for a while and lost control to come back. But maybe, it wasn’t like I expect, that there will be a rope to hold on, a map to use, or a stopover where I can find the boat. Everything was a total opposite. It was me who must be blamed, but I just don’t understand why it ended like that, too tragic, worst than the ending scene of Romeo and Juliet. 

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It was a big dark room
chairs were lined up
a lot of it
white cloth hanged in front
it was a huge cloth
machine can’t handle it
a stage or somehow like that
like a performance platform,

We were not alone
but it looks like we were
a couple by the upper left side
a small group far below
a loner at the middle
and us, upper right side
a place specially for us,

A movie was playing
it was not familiar
like an old leftover film
a fair value for twenty five pesos
with a comfy chair and air conditioned
a bonus worth of spent
for us, a less than two-hour happiness,

I opened your zipper
and pulled your half asleep penis
it was quite average
warm and hairy
I went front of you, kneeled down
I put it inside my mouth
and started playing it
it grew big inside me
and hard like a metal,

Your eyes were nowhere to find
you started whispering words
as your handgrip was hurting me
I kept on moving up and down
until a sticky liquid exploded inside me
I went to my seat and clean myself
a couple of minutes after
I handed you a 200 peso bill
and went different ways. 

Lying in my bed
you and me
doing nothing

We used to kiss
so intense 
like doves by the fountain
like magic sparkling, lively,

You, holding my arms
warm and safe
no clothing embraces
just you and me,

But now, no more
we’re on my bed
a pillow between us
wait, there was no “us” anymore.

I was sitting in the balcony
reading the paper for today
a cup of black coffee by my side
no sugar, I like it black
listening to the bird’s melody
as the roaster hit its own growl
I remembered you
the way you prepare coffee for me
the way you hand the morning paper to me
I remembered you
and now, I have to deal with this imagination
and accept the fact
That the things will never be the same
you're dead
and so am I. 

ysascribbles: what makes you want to be friends with a person?

Whenever he/she dives into my jokes and throw the same mean punch for me. I am a sarcastic, mean, bully, funny, and loud person. And to be my friend, it’s either you have a sense of humor like me or can stand the devil in me. 


Sometimes, all you need is a friend. The one who will listen to all your drama, even it sounds too redundant to them. In a tough day, they will be there and ready to make you laugh or join you in your own drinking habits. It will be the relief that you badly need, but chances are like luck. They don’t come every day and sometimes, the more you expect is the more won’t work that way. Sometimes, all you need is a friend, but none came. 

"Susulatan sana kita
kaso ubos na pala
sinaid mo na
ang ballpen ng pagmamahal ko
sinayang mo lang
nasayang lang
wala na tuloy laman
ang papel ko sa buhay."

Bangkal, Makati; 8:45 AM
after seven hours of waiting
you never came
not a single word
a text message never came
no call even a second
I went home tired
worried, cried, and hurt
you never came,

Baclaran, Paranaque; 2:02 AM
you're ready to go
no bags, just money
your eyes were red
left your stepfather
lifeless, swimming in his own blood
your hands were shaking
you felt fear as hell
and then as you cross the street
a car hit you
you flew even without wings
and fell with a broken skull,

Buendia LRT; 1:35 AM
I waited for you
a bag of clothes
good for three to four days
money from my brother’s coin bank
enough for bus fare and snacks
it was a gamble
it was a promise,

Bangkal, Makati; 11:16 PM
you called me, crying
you wanted to run away
you needed to be free
you were suffocating
it was all crying
I can’t even understand why
I just said okay,

Baclaran, Paranaque; 9:50 PM
your stepfather touched
it wasn’t the first time
and you know
it won’t be the last time
you're too weak to fight
and your mother was too deaf
you’re father was lifeless
and you don’t want to be next
you picked up your phone,

PNHS, Paranaque; 4:23 PM
you asked me if I love you
I said yes
you asked me if I will do anything for you
I said yes
you asked me if I’m willing to run away with you
I said yes
you asked me if I love you
I said yes
but I wasn’t thinking at all
I just said yes.


I slit his throat
a steak knife from the set
it was his gift to me
and I used it to him,

He promised me forever
with a ring of happiness
a box full of chocolates
a love of infinity,

But I saw him that night
as I surprised him with food
he wasn’t expecting me
and I wasn’t expecting them,

A girl was on top of him
both naked and sweating
he was shocked, she was shocked
I was angry, I was hurt,

My sight went dark
everything moved so fast
the last thing I knew
they were both dead

The dinner I brought for him
became the decoration of the scene
it was just a bad luck
a true love homicide.

it was all dark
no sound
a deafening silence
a sign of nothing
not even a single
it was worse than hell
no, it was hell
maybe not, but somehow
I never see death like this
no gates, no road
no man with a chicken
not even a man on fire
it was just dark
it was just silence
nothing at all."

He walked away
not because he needs a space
nor because he wanted to chase
he walked away 
because he needs to hide
because he doesn’t want to be pitied,

He was falling apart
from his brain problem
to his broken coping mechanism
he doesn’t want to see him
like a ticking bomb
he wasn’t after all
but almost,

But he thought about something
like the movies he watched
it wasn’t like he expected it
but he wished and hope for it
to missed and to be looked for
but none of it happened 
he ended up as forgotten
almost like dead
an exploded ticking bomb. 

Sa papaanong paraan
hindi ko talaga alam
sinubukan na lahat
nalilito ako
paano ba talaga
bakit nag-iisa pa rin ako. 

"I took a break in writing novels
besides, I never finished one
but deep inside me
along to the galaxy of my imagination
a pile of colorful stories waits
the gallery of creative pages
each character sits upon
a well built setting
a frighting climax
the fall and the raising rivalry
the flesh of the skin
a journey for a hunt
a chance to be extracted
but, I can’t move
a part of me was damaged
I am stuck in the wilderness
a black hole of nothing
I feel so empty
and tired with all this shit."