Maybe it wasn’t really meant to be
that the word you and me
are not like the two opposite of the magnet
but it was me who push myself to you
to be with you, to win you,

It was not a sad story
but an example of reality
one should face that fact
that it’s not working or it will not work
I, myself, need a slap in the face,

It’s been months
but here I am, still shackled
I have the keys
and yet, I do free myself
the pain that causes me
Is the one I made.


He was a bubble
left without reasons
not even a single letter
gone in the wilderness,

I waited for him
sat at the living room
a cup of tea with me
but it has been weeks,

Maybe an emergency
or some reasonable explanation
I don’t know what to think
I just want to see him,

He was a bubble
my heart waited for nothing
it was like a dream
no, it was a nightmare.


To hide yourself was never easy
leave the pen down and walk away
like there’s no commitment
put a helmet on and take a cab
like you’re leaving for good
it was never easy
but sometimes you have to,

To stay away from the normal
it was a choice to be made
to lessen the eyes that will look at you
it will be uncomfortable
everything might change
but you have to
it’s for your own good,

There was an island
a place of a no one
standing in the middle of the ocean
no love, no fun
it was just sand and salt water
and then there was me
how tragic as you suppose to see.

"I’ve known men who run down homosexuality because they are uncomfortable with it, perhaps inclination in that area; and I’ve known men who run down homosexuality and mean it. At first I had placed Bunny in the first category. His glad-handling, varsity chumminess was totally alien and therefore suspect; then, too, he studied the classics, which certainly harmless enough but which provoke the raised eyebrow in some circles. (“You want to know what Classics are?” said the drunk Dean of Admission to me at the faculty party a couple of years ago. “I’ll tell you what Classics are. Wars and homos”. A sententious and vulgar statement, certainly, but like many gnomic vulgarities, it also contains a tiny splinter of truth.)"
                      - Donna Tartt (The Secret History)

Let me mark this day. 

All these precious babies only cost me 200 pesos. Magbabalik tanaw ako sa literature, philosophy, at humanities. #books

All these precious babies only cost me 200 pesos. Magbabalik tanaw ako sa literature, philosophy, at humanities. #books

"Every day I think about you
every character in a novel
I imagine it was you
you’re the word in every menu
always running
always you."
"Sorry if I still love you. It’s not easy to forget you. It’s not easy to throw away my feelings towards you. We didn’t become lovers, never been in a mutual situation. It was just me. I am doomed with all this stuff on my hand. I fell in love, not to a wrong person and not in a wrong time. I fell in love and you just didn’t feel the same way. And now, here I am. I am still writing about you instead of trying to create a worthy story for my history."
"If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking"
                      - Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)

I left the door wide open for the small possibility that you will come back to me. I waited, sitting in the concrete gutter for your arrival, wondering if you got stuck in a traffic jam or waiting for a long line at the train station. I waited, imagining you with a bunch of flowers or a box full of dark chocolate, hoping that you wore the shirt I gave last Christmas. I didn’t care about the the time, never even glimpse at the clock. I can hear it, “tick tock tick, tock”, but I didn’t care a bit. I know that you will come. I will wait for you.

Someone already tapped me, gave me a hug. I felt that they’re comforting me so my disappointment will fall down, but the thing is, I wasn’t feeling that way. I can feel the cold comfort of the concrete gutter, but it doesn’t mean I will feel disappointed. Why should I? I know you will come, smiling wide, your eyes will tell me you’re sorry because you’re late, but it doesn’t matter. I will still welcome you. We will eat the lasagna I prepared for you, it’s your favorite, right?

I waited for you. I am still waiting. It’s been five years since you left me without any message, no goodbyes. It’s one of the reasons I keep waiting for your arrival. It’s because you haven’t said goodbye, you never left a message saying that you will not come back home. It’s one of the reasons why I am still hoping that we will still enjoy the lasagna I prepared for you, I mean I can make a new one. I actually cooked one pan of lasagna everyday for you, every single day. I am still hoping that you will chew it down to your stomach. It’s your favorite, right?

Where are you? Please come home. I need you.

Crunchy Sansrival Cake by @aftersmanila  (at Afters Espresso & Desserts, Tomas Morato)

Crunchy Sansrival Cake by @aftersmanila (at Afters Espresso & Desserts, Tomas Morato)

               I was awakened by the loud and scary sound of the weather. It sounded like screams from the clouds, madly battling force from the very of the lungs of some god or goddess. It was worse that a scary movie or a new sequel of Hannibal. I was almost in the pot of the gold from the rainbow when the mood suddenly changed, opened my eyes and heard the music of madness. I don’t have a phobia about thunders, but I almost had one after that experience. I immediately placed my books and important documents in the high area of my room, placed my bag near my sight in case I need to pack for emergency departure.

              After an hour, the nightmare of the afternoon faded, only the sound of water from the sky became the aftershock. It was a cold day after all which I was craving last summer. I went back to sleep, but I failed. I opened 1Q84 and finished it while slowly sipping a cup of coffee. It was not my typical afternoon, but it’s a good thing to have something unusual.


I wish I had my own Tengo
the one who loves Math
but not that much
the one who reads a lot of novels
and trying to write his own
the one who hates his father
but still tries to be there for him
the one who never forgets his first
even it’s been twenty years,

I wish I was Aomame
the one who’s fit and well
and so good at sports
the one who stands for herself
even in her very young age
the one who was good at concealing her aches
even she was already burning inside
the one who hopes to see her first
even just for her last day,

I wish I was in a novel
every chapter was a story
it conveys an adventure
full of surprises and tears
but in every fall
there’s wings ahead
in can be a tragic
or a happy ending
but what’s important
there was someone.


Baka sakaling maalala mo ako
sumabit ng biglaan sa isipan mo
matabig ng di sinasadya
malalag mula sa kawalan ng tila biyaya,

Pwede mo akong kalabitin
o kung nais eh iyong kurutin
pwede mo akong bulungan
o kahit pa nga iyong batukan,

Hindi naman gutom sa atensyon
pero lihim na may intensyon
kanina pa kasi ako nakasilip
hindi na nga makaiglip,

Tinititigan ang mga mata
pinakikinggan ang tawa
lahat sinusubukang basahin
ayaw ko lang talaga aminin,

Baka sakaling iyong mapuna
alam kong nagmumukha na akong tanga
baka sakaling mapansin
ang pagtingin na di ko maamin.

Chocolate Lava Cake by @aftersmanila #projectfoodtaste #foodporn #foodie #pastry  (at Afters Espresso & Desserts, Tomas Morato)

Chocolate Lava Cake by @aftersmanila #projectfoodtaste #foodporn #foodie #pastry (at Afters Espresso & Desserts, Tomas Morato)